What They Talk When They Talk About . . .

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it’s night or day
Please don’t put your life in the hands
Of a Rock n Roll band
Who’ll throw it all away

It was strange to see her playing with her cup of tea, because what she did was the reflection of what I did right in front of her.

They say that, in this world, you have seven twins, scattered all over the world. They might share the same face with you. They might share the same birthday with you. They might be your opposite sex, but she or he is basically you.

In my case, she and I shared the same birthday. But I had this unshakable belief that she and I shared more than that.

Just now, I mentioned to her about this Oasis song I heard recently, and her reaction truly gave me goosebumps. Her reaction only showed me that this unshakable belief of mine could be right all along.

“It’s weird that you suddenly mentioned that song.” She gave me a wistful smile. “ I recently downloaded that song again, and I have been listening to it over and over again while I drive around.”

Dumbfounded, I fingered the birthday card she just gave me. Then I looked at the semblance of sadness in her eyes.

One that she had been nursing behind her infectious laughter. One that had turned people into thinking that she was such an awful person.

If they only knew the reason why she was what she was now.

That night, I got a phone call from her. Her voice gave nothing away, but I knew that she was trying her best to stay strong in her own way.

“I got another letter from home.” Her voice was surprisingly steady. “ You know what? I am all ready to pull off the plug, but then I remember what you said.”

I was immediately alert. When it came to someone so full of surprise like her, you could never know what she’d decide to do.

“Which was?”

“You told me not to kill myself after I gave you your birthday card. So I didn’t.”

There she went again. Dropping such big news like it weighted nothing. I really wished I knew what to say, but at that time, I could only hold onto the receiver, silently wishing that she’d still stick into her plan after she hung up the phone. I was spellbound.

“I’m not a monster,” she whispered. “Sesangsaramdeu-ri nae-ge dollin deung modeun geo-shi bebekkoyeoit-deon nun-chorideul (The people of the world have turned their backs against me, the corners of their eyes are all twisted up).”

It was sad. Someone so young, being misunderstood by the world around her. It was sad, seeing how people thought they could put labels into whatever she did without knowing the real reason why she did what she did.

It was sad because people had no idea about what they talk when they talk about her.

I knew.
I knew her.
I knew what she had gone through.

As she silently hung up the phone, I watched the sky turned light blue and I couldn’t help but think that it would never look the same again if she was no longer around.


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